From looking inward the first step to share is that this blog is no longer a book! I started with this idea as it gave me structure and focus but I have grown through the tasks to realise that this only put constrictions on what I felt I could share. A blog is about writing what you think and feel and sharing ideas! Thoughts and feelings can not be broken down into chapters. Thoughts and feelings do not have a beginning, middle and end - they are ongoing. This is a big step for my development as my longing for structure has broken down to open up so many more possibilities.
Themes that have arisen in my blog and journal writing focus around my need to find a path in life, desire to make a difference, confidence and fear of regret. By continuing to work on my journal and document how I feel day to day I am beginning to realise what works for me. I know what thought processes I need to break, actions I need to implement and practice's I need to build on to develop my practice in all areas of my life.
I currently have three pathways that I are crossing and bumping into each other with a huge bang at times. I have chosen to apply the following questions to each pathway in order to make my thoughts clear. I am working full-time in education recruitment within special educational needs division. I am teaching performing arts on Saturdays. I am pursuing a career as an actress when I can!
What in your daily practise gets you really enthusiastic to find out more about? Who do you admire who also works with what makes you enthusiastic?
AND - As I started to write I got a bit carried away and my enthusiasm and love merged together. I think this demonstrates my passion in my work. I don't think I could ever do a job that I didn't really care about.
What do you love about what you do? Who do you admire who also seems to love this or is an example of what you love?
Education recruitment: I am enthused when learning about the variety of special educational needs children are dealing with everyday. I believe education is the key to freedom and luckily in the UK every one has a right to that. I am interested in learning about the qualities I need to find in people to place the right people to help these amazing children who need a bit of extra help to succeed. I love the variety of my days and meeting so many new and interesting people. It feels great when you find someone passionate and enthusiastic that you know will make a difference. I love the variety of my days and meeting so many new and interesting people. I am inspired by the work of the people I speak of - people who make a difference in their work everyday. Schools like www.mapledownschool.co.uk having amazing staff that I can be a part of placing in the right role. I admire my boss for her knowledge and understanding of what is required and her work in the field.
Teaching performing arts: I am generally enthusiastic about working with children. Their innocence and imagination inspires me. The positivity they omit is like my weekly happy pill. Drama helps children find themselves and their creativity. I am truly touched to be a part of seeing children grow in confidence and build on their communication skills that are ever so important in life. I love being a part of making that difference no matter how small. I feel really enthusiastic about working with vulnerable children to help maintain that innocence and happiness that I believe our early years should be filled with. Visiting Africa was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I am inspired by the work of the people that make projects like that happen. http://www.gvi.co.uk/programs/volunteer-orphanage-south-africa I was asked to stay on the project for 6 months and help run it but I was not in a financial position to do so - I admire people who make this self-less commitment. I admire people who set up projects such as http://www.kidsco.org.uk/ and people who give up their time to volunteer on projects like this. I admire all the work and commitment that goes into events such as the recent http://www.sportrelief.com/#tab3 and every member of the British public that takes part in fund raising events.
Acting: I love the magic of theatre. The escapism it provides, the stories it tells and the creativity that can be shared. The thrill of performing on stage is indescribable and I am honoured to have had experience in this field. That say you get the same adrenalin buzz performing on stage as you do jumping out of a plane - that's why it becomes addictive. Being a part of taking people to a different place for a few hours is amazing and remains a dream to do what I love as a job. I am enthusiastic about new theatre and children's theatre. I like theatre that reaches out to non theatre goers and also work that has a message or moral to convey. Theatre is such a powerful tool to convey thoughts and feelings. I love children's theatre because it is a fun and exciting way to educate and entertain children - that is a million times better than a television screen. I admire new writers like http://www.jasonrobertbrown.com/ and companies like http://www.oilycart.org.uk/ that make theatre accessible to many children with complex disabilities.
I think the following questions can apply to my life in general rather than the three paths as the confusion in my direction is the main thing that makes me angry, sad and confused.
What gets you angry or makes you sad? Who do you admire who shares your feelings or has found a way to work around the sadness or anger?
I find the stress and pressure of having lots to do quite hard to deal with. My desire to achieve leaves me always feeling like I need to do more and sometimes I just need to do what is asked of me as I cause my own stress! I feel sad when I don't feel I am doing well and get really angry with myself when I waste time worrying about it. I admire those who I work with who have learnt to manage their work into small chunks and work out what works for them to achieve their best. I admire two friends in particular who have to deal with some very extreme personal things who have climbed out the other side as happy people. It puts it all into perspective. I admire my friends in the acting world who remain positive and keep pushing to achieve their dream in a world of judgement and rejection.
What do you feel you don't understand? Who do you admire who doesn't seem to understand it or who has found a way of making not understanding it interesting or beautiful, or has asked the same questions as you?
There is lots of things I don't understand! I don't understand how people make huge decisions and commit to them wholly. I don't understand how we choose the right path to take. I don't understand the unfair nature of the performing industry. I don't understand why I worry so much. These are all very general and I don't think anyone could explain the answers to me. We all just find our way and by working on my critical reflection I am learning to find mine. But this is a continuous process and I need to remember that.
A line of enquiry I would like to look into relates to my enthusiasm regarding vulnerable children.
How can I use my skills and experience to make a career out of helping vulnerable children?
Hollie x
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