My current networks aka 3a

Networking was drummed into us at performing arts college as if you had to get yourself an invite to every party, wear your best dress and beg for a job. Of course this approach is unrealistic for any one but the very thought of it makes me nervous and I have never been to good at putting myself out there. I think this concept has meant I have had a negative approach towards networking and I have always associated it with a form of desperation and arrogance. When in reality the definition is: to cultivate people who can be helpful to one professionally, especially in finding employment or moving to a higher position. Why would I not want to improve my networking? Sometimes it's true it's not what you know it's who you know. 

I approached the the next theme - the networked professional by firstly looking at other peoples blogs.  This is pretty apt as the bapp blogs are my newest network and by engaging in my network I am able to move forward with new ideas and insight.  I love Simone Grandjean's idea that our networks are like a game of snakes and ladders, it may be about reaching the top of our game but we can go side to side to find our way and we might slip down the ladder a couple of times in order to get there. http://sgandjean.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/my-networks.html.  I also like Luke Bohanna's idea that our networks can be a universe of planets that are constantly revolving and evolving.  That some of our network planets are closer to us, the sun than others and it is about understanding where to place them. http://lukebohanna.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/task-3a-current-networks.html  In order to understand my own networks I used my knowledge that I think I am a visual learner to create the diagram below.

 

From this I can begin to use the main tools that I already use in my practice.

1. Friends and colleagues

In all areas of my work this is my main network the people around me everyday!  I have met lots of different people through my different career paths and I have learnt something from every single one of them.  It is important to maintain these relationships not only for personally but in my professional practice as well.  By building strong relationship with people I work with in the performing industry they now inform me of when things are casting and auditions are being held as I don't have an agent.  In maintaining a great relationship with employers I have been offered other work - if you don't remind them you are around then you are easily forgotten.  I admire people I know in the performing world who work so hard to make contacts that they never give up, I wish I had this persistence.  They get a number or an email and they won't give up until they get a reply - I might send one or two but then I think well they aren't interested.  It is hard to find the balance between persistence and annoyance but I think I could try harder sometimes.  I don't know if this is true but I heard that Kate Winslet wrote to James Cameron every day until she was seen for Titanic - the rest is history.  I will work to gain contacts in all fields of my work.  In my teaching work I am constantly learning from those around me and assessing how I can improve and better my skills. By maintaining relationships with parents and teachers I have worked with in a school setting I am asked to return and therefore get more work.  I am very new to education recruitment and I am in the process of building the ever so important bonds with my colleagues and soaking up all the information they can give me.  I admire any form of experience and success and no matter how far away my peers maybe I work to maintain relationships I have built as you never know where it may lead.

2. Facebook

Facebook is great for keeping in the loop and knowing what is going on within my direct network and those a little further away.  I am often invited to events by people I have not seen for a very long time that could be great to go along to - I need to make more of this.  It is a great way to keep in touch with people on the other side of the world that I have met.  There is also casting links through facebook and teaching opportunities that arise when people need cover.  There is to much to mention that I get out of facebook.  I like to keep my business quite private and although it is called social networking I really do not like the unsocial element of it. I would rather a friend called me to invite me somewhere or say happy birthday but I am quite old fashioned like that. However I feel I have learnt to turn this social networking site into a professional network as well.  The benefits to my networking are endless through facebook, I just found a new flat mate through facebook - that is actually an old friend.  I am not a member of twitter and this is something I plan to change as if facebook can be beneficial I am sure twitter can do.  My ideal network would include more people who can help me professionally and sites like twitter make every one obtainable with a bit of hard work and persistence.

3. Casting websites

I currently use casting websites spotlight, casting call pro and the stage to find out about castings to apply for.  Even if the work advertised is not suitable it is great to have an idea of what is going on in order to have food for conversation with those in the field.  I think I could make more of myself on these websites.  I admire those who really put their work out there and have the confidence to share their work with others openly.  These are the people who get the work.  I am sometimes afraid of scrutiny but how will people ever know what I have to offer if I do not share it.  I want my network to involve more professionals and only I can do something about that.  I would like to create my own website and also upload my newly put together show reel.  I am always checking websites for the companies I would love to work for to see if there is any casting opportunities.

4.  BAPP blog

My newest network is the bapp blogs.  It is a new way of learning and interacting for me and I often find myself wishing I could meet up or have a phone conversation with my fellow bappers.  I think I can utilise this new network to help me work better.  I have spent hours looking at and reading other people's blogs but rarely comment.  This is something I aim to change as I know how helpful it is when I receive a comment myself.

Just from looking deeper into my existing networks I can see that I primarily associate my networking with the performing element of my career.  Networking exists in all areas of work and I aim to develop this further as I learn new skills. 

Hollie x

Looking outward aka 2c

'Reflection involves taking the unprocessed, raw material of experience and engaging with it as a way to make sense of what has occurred.' (1)

This is a simple but clear way of making sense of reflection and this clarity is what I need to find in my practice.  I engage in reflective practice on a daily basis but I do not feel I always follow through the process of using my thoughts and feelings to analyse how I can make sense of what has happened and in turn act on the conclusions I come to.

Dewey's theory of reflective thought is something ever present in my practice.  I consider myself a very reflective person in general and strongly agree with Dewey in the belief that experience is our education.  I work through my thoughts are feelings with peers as part of my practice but this can sometimes act as a hinderance as I worry about how my peers will perceive me.  I also believe this fear comes from being in the very critical environment of the performing world.  I am used to continually assessing my work but I do not feel this leads to a positive outcome with out really working through my thoughts and feelings and not jumping to conclusions.  Boud refers too these constraints in regards to journal writing for assessment but I feel it can apply to my own processes of sharing reflective thought.

'The exploration of the self that reflection involves requires a relatively protected environment in which one is not continually preoccupied by defending oneself from the scrutiny of others.' (1)

Dewey highlights that it is how we organise our reflective thought on experiences we undertake that helps us move forward and fully engage in the theory of critical reflection.

Reflective thought is 'active, persistent, and careful consideration of any belief or supposed form of knowledge in the light of the grounds that support it and further conclusions to which it tends.' (2)

In my search for the right path to take my thoughts are 'active' (2) and 'persistent' (2) sometimes to the point where there is so many ideas my mind gets blocked and I go into shut down.  Drawing from Dewey's idea I think this may be because I am not engaging in 'careful consideration' (2) and therefore not reaching 'further conclusions' (2).  With out these skills my mind has a tendency to leap forward and make rash decisions and then I struggle with the problem solving element of critical reflection.

Kolb's learning cycle furthers my understanding of my own reflection (3).  I do not feel that my cycle is complete and this is what is holding me back.  Although we all in engage in each stage of the learning cycle I feel with more in depth reflection I can build on my journey through the process.  At the point of active experimentation (planning/trying out what I have learnt) I do this instinctively with out thinking through actions I could take to make it more beneficial.  I found it hard to place my point of entry but decided upon reflective observation (reviewing/reflecting on the experience) as this is where I feel my current practice starts.  I look to others and past experiences in order to move forward with tasks.  I took part in a training session once in which I was told you should always ask a customer 'what perfume have you used in the past?' rather than 'what perfume are you wearing now' or 'what perfume are you looking for in the future?' This is because people are comfortable talking about the past because they know what happened, the present is a little more hazy and the future is unknown so people shy away from it.  This relates to my thought processes and how I learn.

This links to Schon's theory of reflection-in-action.  My reflection happens in what he describes as on-action as for me it is easier to look back on the past rather than act in the present.  Kottcamp describes reflection-in-action:

'It is more difficult to achieve because the actor must simultaneously attend to performing the action and observe and analyse his or her action, as if from an external perspective.' (4)  

This is a skill I believe I have engaged in with performing and teaching but it feels more like an instinct than a reflection.  To me reflection means analysing what has happened in depth as it seems it did to Kottcamp too but maybe I need to trust myself more and accept that decisions I make when reflecting-in-action are just as valuable and important.  From analysing how Kottcamp might have come to the decision that reflection-on-action is harder is important to remember that I have instilled my own thoughts in my mind and sometimes they need to be analysed in order to open myself up to new ideas.  From looking at Howard Garners' theory I like to think I am a kinaesthetic learner because I find it hard to sit and study with books and my laptop.  I say that because I am an active person and it gives reasoning to why I struggle to study.  In reality I think I am a visual learner and I just need to get used to studying again.

This relates to the work of Jennifer Moon as she looked at ways to articulate our tacit knowledge - 'we know more than we can tell.' (5) I believe that sometimes we need to trust as tacit knowledge as does Twyla Tharp.

'The second time through, however, or trying to explain the steps, she will hesitate, second guess herself, question her muscles and forget.' (6)

But other times it is important to work through our tacit knowledge and that leads to journal writing.

'A journal is a friend that is always there and is always a comfort. In bad moments I write, and usually end up feeling better. It reflects back to me things that I can learn about my world and myself. It represents a private space in my life, a beautiful solitude, the moments before I go to sleep just to stop and note what 'there' is about the day or about my life at the time. I think that it has enabled me to feel deeper and more established as a person, more in control and more trusting of life.' (7)

I like this quote from Moon and have seen it ring true.  I have always engaged in journal writing but only when something different was going on in my life something I wanted to document and look back on.  Moon helps me realise that important things are happening to me everyday and by documenting them I am understanding my self and what is happening around me.  As I develop my professional practice my journal helps me understand how I can grow.  Writing has always helped me work through things and I wish I had thought of it in a professional capacity sooner.  Moon also inspired the idea that reflection does not have to be in written format and this something I have explored further releasing my creative side.

Boud comments that: 'Journals allow us to practice imaginary scenarios; ask 'What if?'' (1) This is an interesting theory for me that I plan to take forward as I spend a lot of my time looking back and thinking 'what if?' What if I could do this before hand and feel better about decisions that I make.

I have drawn from Dewey, Kolb, Schon and Moon alongside their critics to look outwardly at the practice of critical reflection.  This has enhanced my understanding and I have many techniques now on board that I will take forward.

Bibliography

(1) 'Promoting journal writing in adult education' (English and Gillen, 2001) David Boud
(2) Dewey, 1993
(3) Kolb learning cycle.
(4) Kottcamp, R.B. (1990). Means for facilitating reflection, Education and Urban Society, 22, 182-203.
(5) Polanyi, 1996
(6) Tharp and Reiter, 2006
(7)http://www.infed.org/research/keeping_a_journal.htm

Howard Gardner theory in practice

I was amazed when I saw Howard Gardner's theory of Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic learners first hand in my work place.  Whilst teaching one of the children ran up to me and said "Hollie, hollie look I found a new way to learn my lines for the show."  He presented me with this:

It is quite hard to see but he is clearly a visual learner.  He used his love of drawing to create images to help him remember his lines.  Then he could picture these images in his mind to help him remember what he had to say.  See if you can make sense of his drawings his lines were as follows:  "Good evening.  And you join us outside for a special report on the latest dancing craze sweeping the country.  Known as 'The Hercules Beat', it's finally prised the nation off their sofas and onto their dancing feet.  With me here are some of the young people who are the biggest fans of The Hercules Beat and it's inventor, Hercules."  My personal favourite is at the bottom of the page.  He explained that it is a picture of the UK with a man holding a broom to sweep it up for his line "sweeping the nation."

                                                     

Positive power of the internet!

In a previous blog I mentioned the positive power of the internet in relation to www.justgiving.com.  The recent very sad news about Claire Squires who passed away raising money for the Samaritans in the London Marathon highlights my endeavour to this website.  This website made it so easy for people to give to her cause.  Without the internet this amazing response would not have happened.  Her orginal £800 raised rose to £700,000!!

http://www.itv.com/news/update/2012-04-25/marathon-girls-family-amazed-by-donations/

Moving on and looking in aka 2d

So I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with things recently and I sort of lost sight of my direction on this course.  I am going to do my best to back on track and stay positive. 

From looking inward the first step to share is that this blog is no longer a book! I started with this idea as it gave me structure and focus but I have grown through the tasks to realise that this only put constrictions on what I felt I could share.  A blog is about writing what you think and feel and sharing ideas! Thoughts and feelings can not be broken down into chapters.  Thoughts and feelings do not have a beginning, middle and end - they are ongoing.  This is a big step for my development as my longing for structure has broken down to open up so many more possibilities.

Themes that have arisen in my blog and journal writing focus around my need to find a path in life, desire to make a difference, confidence and fear of regret.  By continuing to work on my journal and document how I feel day to day I am beginning to realise what works for me.  I know what thought processes I need to break, actions I need to implement and practice's I need to build on to develop my practice in all areas of my life.

I currently have three pathways that I are crossing and bumping into each other with a huge bang at times.  I have chosen to apply the following questions to each pathway in order to make my thoughts clear. I am working full-time in education recruitment within special educational needs division.  I am teaching performing arts on Saturdays.  I am pursuing a career as an actress when I can!

What in your daily practise gets you really enthusiastic to find out more about? Who do you admire who also works with what makes you enthusiastic?

AND - As I started to write I got a bit carried away and my enthusiasm and love merged together.  I think this demonstrates my passion in my work.  I don't think I could ever do a job that I didn't really care about.

What do you love about what you do? Who do you admire who also seems to love this or is an example of what you love?

Education recruitment: I am enthused when learning about the variety of special educational needs children are dealing with everyday.  I believe education is the key to freedom and luckily in the UK every one has a right to that.  I am interested in learning about the qualities I need to find in people to place the right people to help these amazing children who need a bit of extra help to succeed. I love the variety of my days and meeting so many new and interesting people.  It feels great when you find someone passionate and enthusiastic that you know will make a difference.  I love the variety of my days and meeting so many new and interesting people.  I am inspired by the work of the people I speak of - people who make a difference in their work everyday. Schools like www.mapledownschool.co.uk having amazing staff that I can be a part of placing in the right role.  I admire my boss for her knowledge and understanding of what is required and her work in the field. 
Teaching performing arts: I am generally enthusiastic about working with children.  Their innocence and imagination inspires me.  The positivity they omit is like my weekly happy pill.  Drama helps children find themselves and their creativity.  I am truly touched to be a part of seeing children grow in confidence and build on their communication skills that are ever so important in life.  I love being a part of making that difference no matter how small.  I feel really enthusiastic about working with vulnerable children to help maintain that innocence and happiness that I believe our early years should be filled with.  Visiting Africa was one of the most amazing experiences of my life and I am inspired by the work of the people that make projects like that happen. http://www.gvi.co.uk/programs/volunteer-orphanage-south-africa I was asked to stay on the project for 6 months and help run it but I was not in a financial position to do so - I admire people who make this self-less commitment.  I admire people who set up projects such as http://www.kidsco.org.uk/  and people who give up their time to volunteer on projects like this.  I admire all the work and commitment that goes into events such as the recent http://www.sportrelief.com/#tab3 and every member of the British public that takes part in fund raising events.
Acting: I love the magic of theatre.  The escapism it provides, the stories it tells and the creativity that can be shared.  The thrill of performing on stage is indescribable and I am honoured to have had experience in this field.  That say you get the same adrenalin buzz performing on stage as you do jumping out of a plane - that's why it becomes addictive.  Being a part of taking people to a different place for a few hours is amazing and remains a dream to do what I love as a job.  I am enthusiastic about new theatre and children's theatre.  I like theatre that reaches out to non theatre goers and also work that has a message or moral to convey.  Theatre is such a powerful tool to convey thoughts and feelings.  I love children's theatre because it is a fun and exciting way to educate and entertain children - that is a million times better than a television screen.  I admire new writers like http://www.jasonrobertbrown.com/ and companies like http://www.oilycart.org.uk/ that make theatre accessible to many children with complex disabilities.

I think the following questions can apply to my life in general rather than the three paths as the confusion in my direction is the main thing that makes me angry, sad and confused.

What gets you angry or makes you sad? Who do you admire who shares your feelings or has found a way to work around the sadness or anger?

I find the stress and pressure of having lots to do quite hard to deal with.  My desire to achieve leaves me always feeling like I need to do more and sometimes I just need to do what is asked of me as I cause my own stress! I feel sad when I don't feel I am doing well and get really angry with myself when I waste time worrying about it.  I admire those who I work with who have learnt to manage their work into small chunks and work out what works for them to achieve their best.  I admire two friends in particular who have to deal with some very extreme personal things who have climbed out the other side as happy people.  It puts it all into perspective.  I admire my friends in the acting world who remain positive and keep pushing to achieve their dream in a world of judgement and rejection. 

What do you feel you don't understand? Who do you admire who doesn't seem to understand it or who has found a way of making not understanding it interesting or beautiful, or has asked the same questions as you?

There is lots of things I don't understand! I don't understand how people make huge decisions and commit to them wholly.  I don't understand how we choose the right path to take.  I don't understand the unfair nature of the performing industry.  I don't understand why I worry so much.  These are all very general and I don't think anyone could explain the answers to me.  We all just find our way and by working on my critical reflection I am learning to find mine.  But this is a continuous process and I need to remember that.

A line of enquiry I would like to look into relates to my enthusiasm regarding vulnerable children.

How can I use my skills and experience to make a career out of helping vulnerable children?

Hollie x

Writers block - stuck and struggling!

I feel really stuck with my studies at the moment.  I am finding it hard to find the time and the drive to get on with it.  I am determined to succeed on this course but to be honest I am struggling.  With so many other things going on when I have time I find myself doing anything but my studies.  In doing this I am making it feel like a burden that is always hanging over me.  It is time for me to deep breath, step back, and reflect in order to make a plan of action.  I want to get the most out of this course and make it work for me. So here is what I am struggling with:


Problem: Looking at other people's blogs and feeling my work is inadequate.  I think this says a lot about my professional confidence elsewhere as well.
Resolution:  I need to stop comparing myself to others in a negative way.  I need to remember there is no right or wrong answer and it is about what works for me and not other people.  I need to see the sharing aspect of this course as a positive element in order to grow.

Problem: Feeling that every blog I post needs to be related to a task and be perfectly written.
Resolution: I need to remember that I am not being assessed on my blogs and that it is a space for me to develop my professional practice.  A place to share and build ideas to further myself.

Problem: I spend to much time on each individual task and therefore get myself behind.  When I approach any challenge I like to feel that I have to explore every avenue and look into it in as much detail as I can.
Resolution:   I need to realise that this isn't possible.  There is so much information out there that I need to be able to select the information that is beneficial to me.  I think I also need to accept this is a constant learning process and in moving on from one task it does not mean that process ends it has only just begun.

Problem: Not working in a proper study space.  I sit on my bed with the TV or music on and a house full of distractions.  I have therefore begun to feel I need to put a big chunk of time aside in order to do my work which makes me avoid it.
Resolution: I need to go to a library or coffee shop or even just work at a desk.  In finding myself a work space I will get more done in a short amount of time. Then I will approach my work in a more positive way.

Problem:  I am finding it hard to keep a daily journal.  I am finding myself going back to write entries from two weeks ago when I can not remember how I felt or even what happened.  The only person I am lying to in doing this is myself.
Resolution: Remember the journal is for me no one else.  I have bought a little journal that goes in my handbag so I can write where ever I am and just write what is relevant to me.  I have been using an A4 book that I can only really keep at home and the space allows me to gabble and then feel like I do not want to write for the next week! This is a small adjustment but I think it will really help me.  I am also going to buy a sketch book and draw a reflective picture at the end of the week.  My pin board is still going to. 

It feels good to have done that simple exercise for myself and I feel ready to move on with a positive attitude.  I am the answer to all my own problems and I need to JUST DO IT. 

Regarding my journal writing I am not going to look back and catch up on days I have not written.  It is time to move forward.  The main thing I need to remember is that this course is about finding out what works for ME and there is not right or wrong answer in that!


Hollie xx

Chapter 7: Journal writing experience aka 2b

So it's been a while since I have blogged but I have been embarking on my journal writing, I still think I am better with a pen and paper than a computer! Here is a taste of my experience:

Description
I found it hard to write in this style.  I am used to writing about my thoughts and feelings and to write simply about where and when felt very impersonal and cold.  I had very little to write too!  I have always known I am quite in touch with my feelings as I have used journal writing in the past to work through decisions and issues but forcing myself to write in this way highlighted it further.  I do not feel this style will be beneficial for me.  I believe that my ever changing thoughts will shape my future professional practice and I therefore need to be aware of them.

Initial reflection
This is where I ended up writing two A4 pages! Ask me how I feel about something and I can write for eternity.  I spend most of my day talking to myself and working through my feelings and what that means. That sounds a little psychotic but I think it is because I am in a position of instability and trying to choose a path and this can consume me at times. Sometimes to the point where I confuse myself so much it gets frustrating.  Because of this I do not feel this is the best method for me as I have a tendency to waffle on and loose focus.  In order to find a path I need to sort through my thoughts and feelings with focus.

List
This really worked for me! As fore mentioned I have a tendency to waffle and this helps me to stop that.  With a list I can organise my thoughts and write about the key elements of my day.  I also find it hard to make time for journal writing everyday and this style makes it quick and easy to manage.  I feel it will also help me when looking back as it is clear and broken down rather than a chunk of text.

Evaluation
I found evaluation a useful tool that highlighted a lot of things to me.  It is so easy to go day to day and not to analyse things that went well or could have gone better.  I think about it at the time but  I think I can slip into being lazy and not making any changes.  With the tool of evaluation I had to ask myself questions that can sometimes be hard to answer.  As a performer I am used to analysing myself and working out areas to improve upon but I have a tendency to look at this as a negative thing.  I always try to do my best so find it frustrating when things do not go well.  Sometimes I think I avoid evaluation because it is easier but it is time to use evaluation in a positive way to develop my professional practice.

Chart and graph
At the prospect of this I was a little critical.  I couldn't even remember how to make a chart or graph let alone see how it would help me in my journal writing.  I used www.ehow.co.uk and remembered how simple it was.  I chose to do a pie chart of a day when I had little work comparing stress, freedom and fun and a bar graph of a day teaching comparing my three classes in different skills.  I found it really interesting to see my day in an image form, it made it simple and clear and I can imagine it would be really useful when working in comparison.

Diagram
I took a slightly different approach to this style and did a sketch of elements of my day.  I like to draw and I really enjoyed this take on my day and upon reflection it is interesting to look at the images I chose to draw.  It highlighted the key elements of my day and created a strong visual.

What if?
I really enjoyed this writing style.  It was good fun to dream and imagine what could have happened, my dreams are endless! I spent the day in a primary school leading drama workshops and I wrote: "What if someone from cbbc happened to be at the school and offered me a job as a children's television presenter?" This is one of the many dreams.   In looking at things that I would have hated to happen it highlighted that I had a very good day and it is important to remember how good things are! "What if my car broke down and I was so late that the school cancelled and I got sacked from Perform (the company I work for)"  I think it would help me to engage in this writing style every so often.

Another view
This was really good fun! I took the view of my vintage handbag as it comes everywhere with me.  On reading it back my handbag is very negative about a lot of things I do. "She keeps looking at other people's blogs but not doing anything on her own, I think she is intimidated." But it was very positive about other elements of my day. "When she is teaching she has a sudden energy for life and everyone in it - I love watching her teach she is so happy."  By taking a step out of my life and looking in it helped me understand how I really feel about things and made me face up to things I do not always see.  I think this style will be beneficial for me to take forward.

So.....moving forward I aim to engage in the list style of journal writing on a daily basis.  I will look to engage in what if? and another view once a week as I feel this will vary my view.  I may also use a graph or chart at the end of each month but I will see how it goes!

Hollie x